Today’s Post: ‘fill it with feel’

How is my feeling?

I’m good. This morning the drizzle is falling down and my head becomes dizzy. I played Adele songs, they sound so tickling to my ears. Well, the songs are mostly mellow & soulful but I don’t feel a little bit of sadness there.

It has been 6 days in Surabaya. There is a hesitation in my mind: Going back to Bali and continuing working with the dogs is a totally different activities in my life. Never before I’m dealing such a job like this! Staying home and doing household & housekeeping like mother does?

There are always options. Options make me become choosy. As I’m thinking my new bag should be in brown or black color…?

So I ask my Asgarden to pick an option for me then he throws me back those options to me. What the?

My big sister has been back to her rented room near her university and makes the situation become more difficult. Because I’m being lonely. Far from him and no happy & cheerful companion next to me. Just waiting on the day I visit the doctor to control my fussy belly.

I watched The Lonely Island videos, read jokes Nguping Jakarta, listened Adele songs… Doesn’t matter what I did. The most important thing is with whom I did it. Today? No one. io stesso.

Is it true that loneliness is killing? What a dying person should feel: Happiness or sadness?

The time is keep ticking and I have no activities but typing. When I was in hospital I got no activities but I got him as my companion so I could get some sleep. Well, sleeping is an activity! So stop thinking and typing, go to bed!

I am too much thinking and that’s why I impose more burden over my head and my back. I think and I make up my feeling, because the feeling can’t be tamed by the thought, I make it swing! Perfect! I even worry too much about the idea that I am bipolar – umm, sorry bipolar in my mind is not a disorder, it is more likely dualism. The worries are only my thought in disguised.

I have to state it, that I cannot control everything. So I should stop thinking that my brain have to manage the rest body including hormone. I cannot control all situations in my life, so let it be that nice…

Maybe I’m right that I am too melancholic, perfectionist and cynical to the world. So I spread negative thoughts and the effect strikes me back. who does say these “what you don’t know, won’t kill you”  and “curiosity could kill a cat“?


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