Repost: Tuesday, 12th of April 2011

Now, I’m here in a rented small house of Ratih. I have been staying there for almost a month minus 3 days. And I’ve just stayed in Angkah about 4 days 3 nights.

I was sick and still sick. I don’t know anything about my illness… but what about anorexic?! I search it in the engine about Anorexia Nervosa in Encarta dictionary:

eating disorder: an eating disorder, marked by an extreme fear of becoming overweight, that leads to excessive dieting to the point of serious ill-health and sometimes death

That’s too shocking!

I believe that I’m healthy, I’m good, I’m great… not until I’m dropped to ground zero! Zero energy, I detest it very much. However it’ has been such a irony to me that when I’m healthy, I become lazy. And when I am sick with no spirit or energy left, I’m so regretful and upset about it. Guess I never cherish everything’s good that comes to me. Gosh!

About eating disorder… I’m pretty choosy about food. I don’t care the time I have to eat and I am very reluctant to eat something not as my favorite. I examine my self, I recall when I started this bad habit until become Anorexia Nervosa. He does know. But it’s hard to express my manipulation to my own body because I feel in guilt.

Seriously, my brain has a big part for my body, my mood and my anxiety. Anxiety drives me to be stressed out. My mood gives me spirit. My body is the impact of both anxiety and mood.

So…, you know what will happen if the brain joins the team! The brain is quite cheeky because it can control you, can order you to do something, can lie about your true feeling.

I think I need to be hypnotized. Worth to try!


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